29 Aug 2014

When "good enough" just isn't good enough

There comes a point in your life when if you haven't attained the society "norms", then you are viewed almost as a second class citizen.  Both my sibling and I have somewhat "let the side down" as far as society is concerned because we're in our thirties and we haven't popped out a sprog or two.  We both got married (my sibling stayed that way - me, not so much!). I did things the wrong way round in getting married first as the younger sibling, but I also took the heat from getting divorced.

It would, I expect, be considered terribly uncouth of me to pop out a sprog now I'm not married - and perhaps it would be deemed "not the done thing", especially as I had my chance at marriage and it ended in a divorce that should put me off men for life!  Yet despite having done the "grown up" things of buying a house and getting married, these were not deemed good enough to be treated like a adult by some people.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is a big difference between being an adult and being a "grown up".  The intention of my friends and I is to avoid being a grown up for as long as humanly possible - and the term "responsible adult" strikes fear into our thirty-something hearts.

Anyway, I digress (just for a change!).

So, having passed the big three-zero a couple of years ago Mother Nature's (& society's) big old countdown clock is ticking loud and clear.  So, as far as society's concerned, I have two options.  I can either hurry the hell up and find a suitable mate to breed with (for suitable, see "has a job, isn't a satanist; axe murder or mormon, and has active sperm) - OR, become a mad cat lady.

Let's examine those two options.  Whilst having kids is something that was/is on my to do list, I am also aware that I didn't have kids in my marriage because a)we had a house and a car, and as everyone knows, those two things (especially in combination) cost lots of pennies and b)the relationship, whilst completely amicable, wasn't right for bringing kids into the world.  I figured that there are enough kids in the world whose parents are separated - I didn't want to risk bringing a child into the world when our relationship was only "good enough" as far at the outside world looking in was concerned. And what started off as a fairly amicable separation turned into a horrendous divorce.  So thank crunchie good enough wasn't good enough for me to decide to have children with him. 

The second option is to become a mad cat lady.  Some of my friends would tell you that I'm slightly cracked already - so that takes care of the mad bit.  And cat lady: well, I like cats - sadly I had to leave my two awesome cats on the other side of the world. So now I'd worry that any subsequent cats wouldn't live up to their awesomeness!  But, however, I seem to be a good judge of cat character (though sadly not rabbits or men's characters!) so when I get my own place that could be a possibility.  But no creepy-eyed Siamese cats, or those big fluff ball cats (Burmese?) that remind me of the cat in that Bond film and always have filthy tempers.
 
On reflection, being a mad cat lady is the most appealing of the two options at the moment!

Am I being too demanding (given that I'm a female, over thirty, and it's my "duty" to procreate) to want to be attracted to a man intellectually as well as physically?  To be able to have a conversation at two in the morning about who would win a face-off between Care Bears and Cabbage Patch Kids, or whether bullying would be less prevalent if mindfulness was taught in schools?  To want someone that I can have mind-blowing sex with but will make me a hot water bottle and buy me chocolate when I have P.M.T?

Or, should I be looking into the possibility of settling down with the ok-looking bloke that doesn't have B.O. or any criminal convictions that deigned to pass the time of day with me at the bus stop?  Should I be grateful that he even noticed an old has-been/never was like me?

The thing that always gets me is when you look around you and the crazy guy/ugly as sin woman/complete douche bag in your town has somehow managed to hook up with the love of their life/someone that is either the complete antithesis to them/someone so far out of their league their phone calls cost £5.00 per minute?  Whilst surfing the net I found a quote from a blog called Bridget Jones has nothing on me  that I think sums my feelings about this up quite nicely:

"How does someone as weird as she is have a fiance when I can’t get a normal date to save my life?  There’s only one possible explanation: I was kidnapped by aliens at some point in my life and they’ve done something to me that repels normal men."

So, to sum up - is good enough, good enough?  Hell no, I want my Prince Charming to have a sarcastic sense of humour, know my favourite confectionery like the back of his hand (weird expression - who spends any amount of time looking at the back of their own hand?), is my intellectual equal, be great in bed, and turn up on a Harley (or an Audi TT if it's raining).

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