I am aware that there is a strange subset of humans known as the "early bird". I have come across them in many settings throughout my life and yet I still fail to understand them. These are the creatures that choose to get up early even when they don't absolutely have to; that often get up willingly before their alarm goes off; that go to the gym or for a run before breakfast; get a load of washing done and out on the line and prep the evening meal before leaving for work. These people are what I like to call freaks of nature.
As you may have guessed, I am not a morning person. I never have been, and never will be and that suits me fine (apart from the fact that I don't have a trust fund and therefore have to drag my sorry bum out of bed each day to go to work!). You are exceptionally unlikely to hear the words "good morning" out of my mouth unless I am talking to a customer at work. I'm not completely anti-social, I utter a "morning" or "hi" to my colleagues on arrival at work. However, other than that, I like to reserve "good morning"s for those days where I get to have a lie in and wake up to Alexander Skarsgard or Charlie Hunnam bringing me tea and bacon sandwiches in bed.
As for doing an hour and a half a the gym or founding an NGO before breakfast? Pfffft! Even before I got diagnoses of two health conditions that affect my sleep and energy levels, I was never a morning person. I consider it a major achievement if I leave the house in the morning fully dressed with my clothes the right way out; with teeth brushed; hair vaguely tamed; and arrive at work by 9am. Consuming breakfast and/or remembering to pick up what I need for the day before I leave the house grants me extra bonus points.
I'm not talking about the fabulous souls that drag themselves out of bed to arrive at work pre-dawn to provide us with essential support such as the emergency services. Because knowing several people that work in those kinds of jobs, it's their job satisfaction that gets them out of the bed, not the joy of meeting the dawn! And they are my heroes.
I can remember many weekend mornings when I moved back home when I was 19ish when my Dad felt that I should be awake and greeting the world, and therefore would come and check whether I was up by about 8am on a Saturday or Sunday. "Don't want to be wasting the day in bed", he'd say (or similar). Well, I've already said "hi" to the dawn on my walk home after clubbing, going back to a friend's after consuming post-club pizza, and going for a paddle in the sea at stupid o'clock in the morning - so sod off and let me sleep!!!
However, having dated someone that was a real morning person, it does have its uses. I may have groaned when he got up at 7am on a Saturday morning to go out for a cigarette. But whilst I was disappearing back into sleepy land, he was mainlining coffee and cigarettes and left me in peace for a while. And if I was really lucky, I'd open my eyes an hour or so later and a cup of tea and bacon sandwich would appear in front of me.
So you strange creatures, you do have your uses. But don't expect coherent conversation or co-ordination from me until I've been out of bed for at least an hour and a half. And don't expect normal levels of sarcastic humour until approximately 10am on a weekday - maybe 11am on a Monday.
I'm never going to be happy to be out of bed before about 10am, but bringing the grizzly bear buckets of tea and bacon sarnies is a good way to help tame the beast into a vaguely interactive human being!
I'm not talking about the fabulous souls that drag themselves out of bed to arrive at work pre-dawn to provide us with essential support such as the emergency services. Because knowing several people that work in those kinds of jobs, it's their job satisfaction that gets them out of the bed, not the joy of meeting the dawn! And they are my heroes.
I can remember many weekend mornings when I moved back home when I was 19ish when my Dad felt that I should be awake and greeting the world, and therefore would come and check whether I was up by about 8am on a Saturday or Sunday. "Don't want to be wasting the day in bed", he'd say (or similar). Well, I've already said "hi" to the dawn on my walk home after clubbing, going back to a friend's after consuming post-club pizza, and going for a paddle in the sea at stupid o'clock in the morning - so sod off and let me sleep!!!
However, having dated someone that was a real morning person, it does have its uses. I may have groaned when he got up at 7am on a Saturday morning to go out for a cigarette. But whilst I was disappearing back into sleepy land, he was mainlining coffee and cigarettes and left me in peace for a while. And if I was really lucky, I'd open my eyes an hour or so later and a cup of tea and bacon sandwich would appear in front of me.
So you strange creatures, you do have your uses. But don't expect coherent conversation or co-ordination from me until I've been out of bed for at least an hour and a half. And don't expect normal levels of sarcastic humour until approximately 10am on a weekday - maybe 11am on a Monday.
I'm never going to be happy to be out of bed before about 10am, but bringing the grizzly bear buckets of tea and bacon sarnies is a good way to help tame the beast into a vaguely interactive human being!
