Why is it that you can watch creepy movies or hear urban legends and pass them off as a bit of fun? The horror movie industry rakes it in every year because people love to be scared. But yet other things just stick in your head and become a bit of a superstition, or something that you know is ridiculous but it scares you anyway.
I hear a lot of people of my age and older talking about watching Doctor Who from behind the sofa when they were kids, and being scared of the cybermen (back in the "good old days", before it was relaunched with Christopher Eccleston in 2005). If it did scare me, it obviously didn't scar me as I have no memory of it!
I'm going to give you all several opportunities to laugh at my expense now. When I was a kid, I watched a film called Young Sherlock Holmes. As a rule, I don't remember it being particularly scary as it's more of a mystery - here's the link to the plot if you're interested. So basically a load of people get attacked with blow-pipe darts containing a hallucinogenic substance by nutters who are part of an Egyptian cult and want to mummify people. The victims have horrible hallucinations and generally as a result, end up dead.
Considering that the film only has a PG certificate, it left a lasting impression on me and now means that even if it's boiling hot, I can't sleep without a duvet or sheet tucked into the back of my neck if I'm lying on my side. Because, if someone from an Egyptian cult wants to attack me, a piece of cotton against my neck is obviously going to protect me from their blow pipe darts!!!!
And so we move on to the bogeyman, or monster under the bed. There's even a facebook page about it, so it's not just me that's a bit tapped in the head! Now in the land of logic, Fungus the Bogeyman does not live under my bed. And if bogeymen did exist, the underneath of my bed is not the most hospitable hiding place - it would have to be a very, very small monster to fit in between all all of the boxes that are under my bed! However, in the dark, in bed alone, all logic goes out of the window. Thou shalt not leave a foot uncovered, because the dark parts of your imagination will create a monster that will drag you into their lair by said uncovered foot.
So, what we have learnt so far is that bedroom linen is the ultimate defence against the creatures of the night. Stuff your defence against the dark arts lessons (although it wouldn't hurt to learn the Riddikulus charm, just in case monsters are actually real). Apologies to those of you that haven't read the Harry Potter books or seen the films as you will have no idea what I'm waffling on about!
Another lesson from childhood is never to trust people in monk's habits, or full length black cloaks with hoods. An episode of Bergerac called Fires in the Fall (those of you under 30, look it up on IMDb link) put me off monks for life and made me paranoid that a ghostly monk in a black habit was going to appear in my room and do me in! Not long after that episode, I went to a Christmas carol concert at Buckfast Abbey, and my friend and I walked outside in the pitch black to get to the toilets. We turned round to see a long line of monks in full length habits with their hoods up appearing to float along the path in silence because their habits were so long you couldn't see their feet. Needless to say, we both scarpered back inside scared witless!
So tonight, remember that your bed linen is your armour. If you're covered up, you're safe. And don't look in the mirror and say 'Candyman' more than once, just in case.
Sweet dreams! :)
