The role of women in society is something I have always been
interested in. How they are portrayed; how they are spoken to; how they
view themselves. We’re kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. If
we don’t stand up for ourselves, we’re classed as subservient. If we do, we’re
“bloody women’s libbers”. I don’t class myself as a “women’s libber” per
se, but I do believe in standing up for what I believe is right.
Considering that the women’s suffrage movement (The National Society
for Women’s Suffrage) started in the UK in 1872, it’s surprising really, how
little has changed since then.
Random piece of trivia: The term “suffragette” is widely used to
describe any women in the suffrage movement. This term actually only refers
to those who used violent means of protest, all other activists were known as
Suffragists.
Yes, women have the vote, yes we have the right to own property
etc. - but in terms of how we are viewed; spoken to & about - I'm saddened
by how little has changed. We are expected to be all things to all people
- friend, lover, mother, sister, daughter, career woman, domestic
goddess. When the reverse doesn't really happen - blokes are just expected
to be "blokey" (burp, fart, swear, talk about "birds" etc.). I
wonder whether the days of the saying: "A lady should be a chef
in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom"
(if anyone can find out who first said this I will credit them) are really
gone.
I don't expect a man to "keep me in the lifestyle in which I'd
like to become accustomed". In the very short periods of time in my adult
life when I have not been working and have been with a partner, I have
hated being reliant on them to pay the bills. The likelihood of me running
off with a “Mr Darcy” is relatively small - mean, moody, tall dark and handsome
and happens to be loaded and have a stately home in the country - um, thanks
but no thanks. For starters, he was a moody, brooding git, and whatever
Mills and Boon purports, in actuality, those kind of blokes generally have
rather large anger management problems! A "Mark Darcy", of
Bridget Jones fame is perhaps slightly more likely to cross my path, but,
anyway, I digress (you'll get used to that).
I'm not a domestic goddess, and quite frankly, I'm sick of the
notion of being made to feel like less of a woman for not being one. I
can't make jam, and the only words I know of "Jerusalem" are
"and did those feet, in ancient times, walk upon England's something or
other". Were I to join the W.I., I would be the "naughty
one" in the back being told off for giggling - probably something like
Helen Mirren & Julia Walters' characters in the film "Calendar
Girls". I would be Helen Mirren's character, buying a Victoria
sponge from M&S after being emotionally blackmailed into entering a W.I.
cake competition.
Unfortunately, I feel that women are viewed in a much harsher
light than men are. I am not a witch, lesbian, bitch or
a man-hater - terms that are often thrown at women if they step out of the
pre-defined, "acceptable", subservient role that women are expected
to play by some (including some pre-conditioned women, as well as men).
Housewife (or house-husband!) is a term that kinda irritates me - indicating
that one is married to the house - shackled almost. Home-maker is an
alternative term that some use, but I don't think it's much better.
From friends and relatives and people I know through women's
groups, it seems that women are still being treated as a second class citizen
in some respects. There are women that I know who are
"housewives" and/or mothers, that don't get any weekends or holidays
off from their "chosen career". Whilst their partner gets
evenings and weekends off from work, a lot of these women don't. They
still feed and bathe, and read stories to the kids after their partner
gets home from work, they are the ones that get up with the kids at the
weekend. They still wash up/load the dishwasher, hoover up & clean the
kitchen after dinner & at the weekends. And that makes me sad.
I don't think all their husbands or partners are awful people; I
don't think they are all b*stards; I don't think that they do nothing to
contribute to the household; and I'm not trying to tar all men with the same
brush. But this is a great example of women being taken for granted, and
in a way that so many people don't even realise. This isn't a men-slagging
vehicle - I have some friends and relatives that are great examples
of running an "equal as possible" household. That doesn't mean that both
partners have to cook, that they both have to cut the grass, they both have to
build the flat-pack furniture.
To me, equality doesn't mean you all have to do exactly the same
thing. To me, equality is about respect. You will never hear me
utter the vow "I promise to obey" (please, friends that are reading
this, if I lose the plot completely and do ever do this, shoot me!). And I
would never ask a partner of mine to say that vow. Because I feel that is
disrespectful, indicating that one partner is more powerful, that their views
are more valid than the other's.
Any potential partner that is hoping I'm going to be a Bree Van
Der Kamp from Desperate Housewives is going to be sadly disappointed. I have no
idea how to make a successful soufflé or the perfect puff pastry. But
I'm house-trained; am more than happy to take my turn in cooking a meal that
doesn't come out of the freezer compartment at the supermarket; I am capable of
intelligent conversation (apart from first thing in the morning); I can put
together an Ikea flat-pack wardrobe without feeling the need to launch it out
the window; I don't spend my monthly wage and half of my partner's on clothes,
and I'm quite happy spending the afternoon in B&Q.
And here endeth today's murmurings - I'm sure I will return to the
role of women in later blogs!
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