2 Jan 2019

Sometimes - It's OK To Not Be OK

Around the "festive season" I always reflect on life and remember loved ones that are no longer with us. One friend passed away over the Christmas break 13 years ago & it still touches me every year to see how many people's lives & hearts she touched and that honour her every year.  In 2018, sadly another friend was added to the list of people who were taken too soon, & that had a profound effect on me. The friend who passed in 2018 was so inspirational during his health battles (& I know this has also been a tough year for too many of my friends) - so I wanted to follow in his footsteps & share a heartfelt message.

It's OK to not be OK (in that you don't always have to put up to a façade to the world and pretend that everything is fine when you're drowning, not that it's OK that you're struggling). Sometimes, you are the rock, & sometimes you are the one clinging on for dear life. Sometimes, despite the outside world seeing a 'perfect' life, yours is quietly falling apart. Sometimes, people only see the smile on your lips & not the sadness in your eyes. And that can feel like the loneliest place in the world, even if you're in a room full of people.

BUT, sometimes people you don't know well unexpectedly step up & become your lifeline - lifting you up when you can't keep your head above the water. Some people just 'get' how you're feeling without you saying a word.

Some people take time, unasked, to post you a card; text you a supportive message; phone you because they know you think you're a 'burden' so won't reach out to them.

And sometimes, you'll be that person sending an email; dropping round to see that friend you haven't heard from in ages; bringing round their favourite film & ice cream to cheer them up; or making them a playlist of all their favourite songs.

Sometimes it is the smallest gesture that can brighten someone's day.

Sometimes we need to rely on each other, no matter how strong we are inside. It may sound trite but the best thing about 2018 (which was challenging for many people) was knowing that I have some truly amazing friends that are there when the chips are down, - and that I have been able to support others in their struggles too.

I'm really proud that several of my friends have been pretty open about their struggles this year and the effect that those struggles have had on their mental and physical health.

It has been wonderful seeing the amazingly positive responses that they have received from friends and family when they were brave enough to post about their struggles on social media. I truly believe that the more we talk about the "invisible" illnesses (especially mental health problems), the less stigmatised they will become. If even one person is moved by our honesty to pick up the phone, text or post to say that they need support rather than suffering alone, then surely,  its worth us being brave and sharing our fears and/or struggles

You don't have to air all your dirty laundry in public - sometimes just posting a kind word in response to someone's post is enough to lift them up enough to have the strength to fight another day. I've been on both sides of this story, so I know!

Ladies & Gents: In a world when you can be anything, be kind. And take chocolate. Or wine. Or chocolate and wine. Or chocolate wine. Unless your friend is allergic to them, in which case, write them a nice card or give them a hug. No need to kill your friends with kindness!

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